"Mama, whaddya want?" he asked. My heart sank.
You'd think by the third year of the Nugget's life, I'd have this mothering thing down. I'd know what to say, what not to say, and how to address every situation of this day to day life. By now I should be SuperMom. But, once Mini Nugget was added into the picture, my heart expanded and my patience shortened.
I became angry and short tempered. Things I addressed in a calm manner, talking our way through emotions and decisions with Nugget became moments when I snapped. I yelled, occasionally I screamed, I cried, and I became the mother I never wanted to be. I stopped watching what I said and how I answered him when his inquisitive nature became too much. And now, my little parrot of a toddler, is answering me in the same fashion and acting out even more than he ever has out of desperation for attention.
Mini Nugget is learning quickly. He wants to follow Nugget around, crawls after him, is the happiest when his brother interacts with him... And truly in love with everything his brother says and does. His nearly seven month old little brain moves faster than his body can, he becomes angry and frustrated and cries out. These moments seem to always collide with Nugget's need for attention. His brilliance exceeds any hope I ever had for him, but he's still only three years old and he doesn't understand. And my limitation of two arms, my heightened level of anxiety, fear of failure, just leave me lashing out.
Husband comes home often with an exasperated look on his face. He knows he's walking into hell. By the time his job finally lets him go for the day, I've hit my limit at home and I am already speaking in short harsh tones and he's walking right into the middle of it. We've had discussions about my attitude and I know how I need to find some method of coping. He's amazing and assures me I am a good mother, helps with everything he can, and supports our family and all the decisions I have made while he is busy. But he can't stop my anxiety.
Nugget still loves me, as does his brother and his father, despite my self-inflicted flaws. I have stood up for myself and every parenting decision I have made thus far with my children, but I am not accepting of my own choices to be this harsh and critical on my children who are, in fact, still small children. I need a daily reminder to breathe. To speak in softer tones and accepting voices. To explain more and yell less. But always love them as much as I can. With everything I am. Because they are all of me.
You'd think by the third year of the Nugget's life, I'd have this mothering thing down. I'd know what to say, what not to say, and how to address every situation of this day to day life. By now I should be SuperMom. But, once Mini Nugget was added into the picture, my heart expanded and my patience shortened.
I became angry and short tempered. Things I addressed in a calm manner, talking our way through emotions and decisions with Nugget became moments when I snapped. I yelled, occasionally I screamed, I cried, and I became the mother I never wanted to be. I stopped watching what I said and how I answered him when his inquisitive nature became too much. And now, my little parrot of a toddler, is answering me in the same fashion and acting out even more than he ever has out of desperation for attention.
Mini Nugget is learning quickly. He wants to follow Nugget around, crawls after him, is the happiest when his brother interacts with him... And truly in love with everything his brother says and does. His nearly seven month old little brain moves faster than his body can, he becomes angry and frustrated and cries out. These moments seem to always collide with Nugget's need for attention. His brilliance exceeds any hope I ever had for him, but he's still only three years old and he doesn't understand. And my limitation of two arms, my heightened level of anxiety, fear of failure, just leave me lashing out.
Husband comes home often with an exasperated look on his face. He knows he's walking into hell. By the time his job finally lets him go for the day, I've hit my limit at home and I am already speaking in short harsh tones and he's walking right into the middle of it. We've had discussions about my attitude and I know how I need to find some method of coping. He's amazing and assures me I am a good mother, helps with everything he can, and supports our family and all the decisions I have made while he is busy. But he can't stop my anxiety.
Nugget still loves me, as does his brother and his father, despite my self-inflicted flaws. I have stood up for myself and every parenting decision I have made thus far with my children, but I am not accepting of my own choices to be this harsh and critical on my children who are, in fact, still small children. I need a daily reminder to breathe. To speak in softer tones and accepting voices. To explain more and yell less. But always love them as much as I can. With everything I am. Because they are all of me.
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