Waiting on a Military Miracle

Sometimes I wonder how much sadness is too much over this. I'm honestly tired of being upset, but everything I see, everything I hear just reminds me more and more of what happened... of what should be happening in just a manner of days. There once was a possibility that at this very moment, I could be holding a child... I could be in the hospital having a baby... I could be sitting here writing about patiently waiting for them to make an appearance. I'm so far away from that now... I just don't know what I'm doing. I can't stand not talking to Matthew, not being able to tell him what's going on. His voice is pretty much the absolute and only thing that makes me happy at this point, and the people in charge of him have taken that away. I'm worried I'm becoming obsessive over the fact that I want a baby this badly. I don't know anyone this crazy obsessed with it. When does this obsession start turning into something dangerous?