Warning: This probably is both not funny and a jumbled mess of nonsense. But its in order of the show. And exactly what I thought for most of it.
~ Dear Rhianna, WTF were you wearing during your performance? I think you forgot some of your clothes.
~ Chelsea, I love you, but I am pretty sure you flashed people in your kung fu display and hopping on that hover-round. Watch yourself.
~ WTF are these Mickey Mouse bullshit heads? Did you guys run out of unique crap or was the DJ too embarrassed to have to take the VMA job? I'm just trying to understand.
~ Best Video - Lady Gaga (Bad Romance) of course she won. I love your songs for some unknown reason, but you had to see that coming. But Gaga, you totally rocked for thanking "the gays" for remaking your video. Possibly the highlight of your thank you speech besides mentioning the discharged soldiers that you had go with you. (and of all things they could do, they went to the VMAs?) BTW, I still don't understand your costumes. You're famous. I'm pretty sure they notice you. Its time to calm down.
~ Ke$ha... please put the GLITTER down. Somewhere in the world a little girl is crying at the lack of sparkly things in her life.
~ Best Rock Video - 30 Seconds to Mars (Kings and Queens) If they hadn't won this award, I'd probably stop watching the VMAs right now. But a note to Jared Leto, Your hair freaks me out. Please change it back to your "The Kill" days.
~ Justin Bieber.... I wish I could comment on your performance, but instead I muted my TV and am playing Family Feud on Facebook until it's over. From what little I saw, it looks like you may have mimicked High School Musical a little bit with your outfits. If that's what you were going for, consider this a congratulations for looking like a complete idiot. Please hit puberty, lose that girly voice, and disappear soon.
So a side note for a commercial break -- Plan B in being advertised on MTV where "Teen Mom" and "16 and Pregnant" are two of their highest rated shows. Doesnt MTV know that this is a sure fire way to lose new characters on those shows?
~ Ke$ha, I hate to have to address you twice, but your twitching is bothersome. Maybe that glitter got into your eyes? Just another reason to start dressing (and accessorizing) more conservatively.
~ Nothing but adoration for Usher. I refuse to talk poorly about him and his odd reflection tape outfit and choreography that looks like it came out of a Black Eyed Peas video. Oh wait... I still [heart] him though.
~ Katy and Nikki - I don't know what to say to either of you. You look like two mashed up polar opposites of a cracked out barbie.
~ Best Male Video - Eminem (Not Afraid)
~
This is how I looked whenever I watched Florence & The Machines "Dog Days are Over" performance. That has to explain it all.
~ HOLY FUCK! I want whatever ability Ciara has for being able to hold herself as she did. Think laying on the couch with your feet on the floor. In heels. Without the couch, floating in midair. You know why there isnt a word for that? Because its not physically possible you nonhuman freak. It was still pretty fucking amazing though.
~ Jane Lynch ------ wtf were you wearing?
~ Best Pop Video - Lady Gaga (Bad Romance) another costume change. (Suprise) Now in a black version of her earlier dress. Oh wait. Are those spikes coming out over her boobs?
~ I now know to never see Taylor Swift live. enough said. (side note... the last female solo performers have been barefoot... please tell me this isnt a new trend for when you can't find that matching shoe. and i'm sure that stage is filthy, I hope they carry baby wipes and germ x.)
~ Of all things Justin Timberlake could do with his life and he starred in a movie about Facebook. Its over, Justin.
~ Chelsea, I hope that jacuzzi was laced with bleach. You'll catch something with the Jersey Shore cast all in there. ETA: Ok, that was funny. Well played.
~ Best Hip Hop Video - Eminem (Not Afraid)
~ I love you Selena Gomez. Classy for an 18 year old. Good job.
~ Whoever the chick was after Paramore and B.O.Bs performance with the short blonde hair.... you scare me. kthanxbai.
~ Best New Artist - Justin Bieber (Baby) Fail, America. Fail. (and Canada, apparently) he couldn't even find the stairs. Can we put a age requirement on future awards?
~ Oh jesus christ in all that is holy WHY IS CHER ON HERE!?!?!?! Her face is quite possibly the same skin that was once on her vajayjay. She's had that many tucks and lifts I'm sure.
~ Video Of the Year - Lady Gaga (Bad Romance) Once again... are you surprised? And something I hadnt noticed? what the hell is with the random blue spot on the back of her head? I understand the tips. But a spot? As if the meat dress wasnt enough.
~ Kanye - Toast for the Douchebags, Assholes, and Jerkoffs? No. and what the eff is with your ballerinas? You're stupid. The end.
So there was my thought process through the VMAs. I think I may have to stop watching them. I miss the VMAs of long ago when they actually gave away awards and had competing instead of the same five videos and nominees over and over and over.
~ Dear Rhianna, WTF were you wearing during your performance? I think you forgot some of your clothes.
~ Chelsea, I love you, but I am pretty sure you flashed people in your kung fu display and hopping on that hover-round. Watch yourself.
~ WTF are these Mickey Mouse bullshit heads? Did you guys run out of unique crap or was the DJ too embarrassed to have to take the VMA job? I'm just trying to understand.
~ Best Video - Lady Gaga (Bad Romance) of course she won. I love your songs for some unknown reason, but you had to see that coming. But Gaga, you totally rocked for thanking "the gays" for remaking your video. Possibly the highlight of your thank you speech besides mentioning the discharged soldiers that you had go with you. (and of all things they could do, they went to the VMAs?) BTW, I still don't understand your costumes. You're famous. I'm pretty sure they notice you. Its time to calm down.
~ Ke$ha... please put the GLITTER down. Somewhere in the world a little girl is crying at the lack of sparkly things in her life.
~ Best Rock Video - 30 Seconds to Mars (Kings and Queens) If they hadn't won this award, I'd probably stop watching the VMAs right now. But a note to Jared Leto, Your hair freaks me out. Please change it back to your "The Kill" days.
~ Justin Bieber.... I wish I could comment on your performance, but instead I muted my TV and am playing Family Feud on Facebook until it's over. From what little I saw, it looks like you may have mimicked High School Musical a little bit with your outfits. If that's what you were going for, consider this a congratulations for looking like a complete idiot. Please hit puberty, lose that girly voice, and disappear soon.
So a side note for a commercial break -- Plan B in being advertised on MTV where "Teen Mom" and "16 and Pregnant" are two of their highest rated shows. Doesnt MTV know that this is a sure fire way to lose new characters on those shows?
~ Ke$ha, I hate to have to address you twice, but your twitching is bothersome. Maybe that glitter got into your eyes? Just another reason to start dressing (and accessorizing) more conservatively.
~ Nothing but adoration for Usher. I refuse to talk poorly about him and his odd reflection tape outfit and choreography that looks like it came out of a Black Eyed Peas video. Oh wait... I still [heart] him though.
~ Katy and Nikki - I don't know what to say to either of you. You look like two mashed up polar opposites of a cracked out barbie.
~ Best Male Video - Eminem (Not Afraid)
~
This is how I looked whenever I watched Florence & The Machines "Dog Days are Over" performance. That has to explain it all.~ HOLY FUCK! I want whatever ability Ciara has for being able to hold herself as she did. Think laying on the couch with your feet on the floor. In heels. Without the couch, floating in midair. You know why there isnt a word for that? Because its not physically possible you nonhuman freak. It was still pretty fucking amazing though.
~ Jane Lynch ------ wtf were you wearing?
~ Best Pop Video - Lady Gaga (Bad Romance) another costume change. (Suprise) Now in a black version of her earlier dress. Oh wait. Are those spikes coming out over her boobs?
~ I now know to never see Taylor Swift live. enough said. (side note... the last female solo performers have been barefoot... please tell me this isnt a new trend for when you can't find that matching shoe. and i'm sure that stage is filthy, I hope they carry baby wipes and germ x.)
~ Of all things Justin Timberlake could do with his life and he starred in a movie about Facebook. Its over, Justin.
~ Chelsea, I hope that jacuzzi was laced with bleach. You'll catch something with the Jersey Shore cast all in there. ETA: Ok, that was funny. Well played.
~ Best Hip Hop Video - Eminem (Not Afraid)
~ I love you Selena Gomez. Classy for an 18 year old. Good job.
~ Whoever the chick was after Paramore and B.O.Bs performance with the short blonde hair.... you scare me. kthanxbai.
~ Best New Artist - Justin Bieber (Baby) Fail, America. Fail. (and Canada, apparently) he couldn't even find the stairs. Can we put a age requirement on future awards?
~ Oh jesus christ in all that is holy WHY IS CHER ON HERE!?!?!?! Her face is quite possibly the same skin that was once on her vajayjay. She's had that many tucks and lifts I'm sure.
~ Video Of the Year - Lady Gaga (Bad Romance) Once again... are you surprised? And something I hadnt noticed? what the hell is with the random blue spot on the back of her head? I understand the tips. But a spot? As if the meat dress wasnt enough.
~ Kanye - Toast for the Douchebags, Assholes, and Jerkoffs? No. and what the eff is with your ballerinas? You're stupid. The end.
So there was my thought process through the VMAs. I think I may have to stop watching them. I miss the VMAs of long ago when they actually gave away awards and had competing instead of the same five videos and nominees over and over and over.
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